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"However, I had recently finalized my divorce after twenty-seven years of marriage, and I simply didn't know how to play the modern dating game. Besides, I could think of a lot worse things than a man with a fat wallet, a lonely cock, and an empty head.One advertisement called to me again and again: "Good-looking professional, 26, who enjoys romantic encounters in dark theaters with mature women who remember the days of candlelight and roses. Let's share a bottle of fine, properly aged wine together and discuss our interests."Tamara groaned when I pointed it out to her. "Kim, you're old enough to be that man's mother," she said as she jabbed her scarlet fingernail at the number 26. It was true, alas. I didn't like to remember it, but my own son was exactly that age."Well, he does say he likes mature women," I said."Kim, to a boy of 26, 47 isn't mature, it's ancient! Either that, or he's looking for a sugar mama. Why don't you let me set you up with my cousin Brian!"Cousin Brian, I. I hit a parked car. A woman was walking her dog on the other side of the street and she called 9-1-1 before my car even stopped moving. She wasn't a doctor or even an EMT, but she was a midwife and nurse practitioner ... anyway she knew first aid. She tied her dog's leash to the parked car's bumper and came over to the driver's upside-down door.She could tell that I was unconscious, the airbags (front and side) had stopped my head from crashing into anything hard. And I was upside down, seat-belted in. Unlike in your typical movie, the car didn't explode or even catch fire; the engine just stopped. Then she saw that I was covered in blood, was wearing no shirt, and most importantly (from her point of view) was in handcuffs.When she told the ambulance crew about the handcuffs, they decided to put in an IV while I was still unconscious in the car, and wait for the police.The police came and roared by, with fire trucks on their tail, on the way to the house explosion and resulting fire –.
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